Picture in the Post

What are you looking at?

Apparently people have been reading this thing. Can't say I wanted that to happen but what can you do. There was a time when there was no outlet for my pent-up agression and ramblings. Here is the blog which will serve as an occassionaly respite from the demands placed on me by the Rorschach Blog.

So if anything strikes me as weird and it just doesn't work on the Rorschach Blog look here. It won't happen often so don't check all that often but if it happens look here. Did that make any sense?

Long Dark Teatime

As with most blogs in the world this one was started out of a break-up. Poorly maintained and hardly noticed as my creativity and twisted view of art and reality has been channeled into its more successful and better looking younger sibling the Rorschach Blog. Well that part of me that has been emotionally scarred and scared for so long has finally found a reason to re-emerge into the light. You see I am in love again.

For those of you who have been down this path with me before over the course of 20 years of dating and disappointment it seems we have taken this trip together many times. I fall in love she goes crazy in one form or another, or for that matter I panic and ruin it some how, or we both agree that it would be better for both of us not to be together. I would feel bad about this but I know from experience that most of you have done the same thing and for better or worse some of you are still riding that roller coaster.

Here is the thing. I have met someone and she is wonderful. Smart, driven and beautiful, she makes me feel like I can do anything. She is as affectionate as me, she has a sense of humor and above all she is a big geek in the best sense of that word.

When I am with her I don't feel awkward or ugly or needy. I feel as though I can take on the world on my terms and together we will defeat every ogre, giant and long legged beasty that can be shoved in our path. I look into her eyes and I see the man I have always dreamed of being and realize I kind of am him already.

When it works it doesn't feel like work they say. And since I met her I have not so much as sweated, except in a good way.

It has only been a short time and the rose colored sun googles may in fact still be squarely in place and I know there will be challanges, there always are, but for right now, I am happy.

Jillian is my girlfriend.

Trauma

What the hell?

Cruelty

There are so many ways you can say no, that don't involve physical or emotional damage to another human being. Gauge your response people there is no need to swat a fly with an a-bomb. Nor is there any way to gauge one person's intentions without actually speaking to them first.

Pirates

I am currently reading Treasure Island, by Robert Lewis Stevenson. This is the story of a young boy who befriends who is terrorized by one sketchy male role model after another while searching for a buried treasure on an island, thus the title.

While this seems to have been a book read by millions of school age boys since its publication, I some how avoided it until now. It is sort of like being the angry young man who thinks he discovered Steppen Wolfe (either the book, band or theatre company). Here I am at more than twice the age I am supposed to be when reading about Long John Silver and Blind Pew and I am eating it up like candy. Despite, what to a modern reader seems to be, a NAMBLA story of self discovery, I am finding the story to be enjoyable and exciting. I have to say that reading it has resparked the joy in me of talking like a pirate. So Arrr!

Personal Repsonsibility

Can't imagine why but I feel like I can safely say right now that only 20% of my personal problems are my fault. The other 80% are made up of other people's doubt and troubles. I feel this trend continues all my troubles will be someone elses fault by early Spring of 2005. So three cheers for the other guy and here is to a guilt free existance in time for Easter.